TANGO IN THE SHITE

9 Jan

Well, it finally happened.

Today I was in a charity shop when whatever shit radio station they were listening to played a song I really, really liked. It was an absolutely gorgeous bit of mid-tempo eighties fluff, and for the first time in ages, I did what any true pop fan should do when confronted by an unfamiliar song of such supreme excellence. I got my pen out and started scribbling the lyrics on my hand, much to the bemusement of the shopkeeper.

I raced home and immediately punched my transcript into Google: You You You You You/Under strange forbidden skies/You You You You You/With the love that will not die/You (you you you) and I/You (you you you) and I/You You You You You/Where the strange wind blows/You You You You You/With the secrets no-one knows/You (you you you) and I… etc, etc.

I don’t know what I’d expected, but the search result disturbed me profoundly.

SEND “YOU AND I (PART 1)” BY FLEETWOOD MACK RINGTONE TO YOUR PHONE NOW!

I think I almost vomited. If there was one thing in the world of which I was ever sure, it was that I did not like Fleetwood Mac.

More disturbing still was my quest to download it. Yes, I know, if I’d wanted to make things easy, I should’ve forcibly erased all knowledge of the said song upon discovering the identity of its creators, but something about it just wouldn’t leave me alone. It was one of the most perfect pop songs I’d ever heard. I had to have it.

Much as I despise iTunes, it’s at moments like this that it comes in handy. I resigned myself to making Apple and Lindsey Buckingham very slightly richer and entered my search term.

But no, nothing- it listed only You and I (part 2), which appears to be a completely different song, and, I’m relieved to say, not a very good one. Reassuringly, it seems I am not quite ready for an unconditional surrender to the charms of Fleetwood Mac.

But this was (actually, is) really annoying. The ghost of the melody infiltrated every attempt I made to work, and I spent the entire afternoon trawling the internet for a site that would sate my desire. Things did not go well. There are some extremely low-quality versions on YouTube, which go some way to satisfying the cravings, but any sort of download remains infuriatingly elusive.

I’m completely disgusted by myself, yet something is driving me on, and I know I shall not rest, I shall not sleep until  “YOU AND I (PART 1)” BY FLEETWOOD MACK is builded here on my iPod’s green and pleasant hard drive.

I need you to tell me- Is this what it feels like to be a fetishist? Have I finally lost it? Can you reassure me?

Please?

And, more importantly still- WHERE CAN I DOWNLOAD THE BLOODY THING?

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